Fleetwood Maritime Heritage Trust Forum

Hi everyone,

Since this is an off topic area, I thought a Jokes topic would be nice!

Clean jokes only though! (Forum rules)

I'll start with one!

After having dug to a depth of 20 metres last year, Scottish scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
than 200 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English
scientists dug to a depth of 30 metres, and shortly after, headlines in
the English newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces
of 300 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors
already had a high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier
than the Scots"

One week later, "The Kerrymen", a southwest Irish newspaper, reported
the following: "After digging as deep as 40 metres in peat bogs near
Tralee, Paddy O'Droll, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he
found absolutely nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 400 years
ago Ireland had already gone wireless."

lol i like it !!

In my line of work this one made me smile.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below responded, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

(02-23-2009 08:38 PM)Alan Duggan Wrote: [ -> ]In my line of work this one made me smile.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below responded, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Haha, thats a good one, got another joke here:

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were taking an intelligence test. They were all asked The question: "Which bird does not build its own nest?'
'It's The canary,' said The Englishman. 'He lives in a cage.'
'It's The parrot,' said The Scotsman. 'He lives in The zoo.'
'It's The cuckoo,' said The Irishman.
'Very good,' said The examiner, 'how did you know that?'
'Everybody knows The cuckoo lives in a clock,' said The Irishman.

A blind man, with a seeing eye dog at his side, walks into his local grocery store. He walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.

The store manager, who up until this point thought he had seen it all, thinks this is quite strange. So he decides to find out what’s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and asks, “Pardon me. May I help you with something?”

The blind man replies, “No thanks. I’m just looking around.